I AM STRONG! Kiri’s Story I am a planner. I like lists, and schedules, and knowing what is coming next. However, life rarely goes according to plan. I met the man I would soon call my everything on a blind date in April 2014. April 1st to be exact. We planned that he would pick me up at my parents’ home and I vividly remember telling my mother, “This was a terrible idea! Nothing good will ever come from a blind date on April Fools Day!” I couldn’t have been more wrong. A quick five months later and we were sealed for time and eternity in the Mount Timpanogos Utah Temple of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I couldn’t have understood then where I would be now, but I am so grateful for that blessing of time AND eternity. The two years that followed our union were wonderful, messy, challenging, and beautiful. Our life wasn’t perfect, we faced hard situations, but we always faced them together. But January 24, 2017 was easily the worst day of my life. As my alarm went off early that Tuesday morning, I got up quickly to avoid waking my love in the bed beside me. I showered and began preparing for another day of work. As I was about to brush my teeth, a very clear voice that did not belong to me, whispered, “it’s too quiet.” To say that my sweet husband had a bit of a snoring problem would be an understatement. His snoring was a source of laughter in our home, and surprise to our families when I confirmed that I did indeed sleep through that noise, but on that crisp Tuesday morning Danien was silent. My heart dropped to my stomach as I walked quietly into our bedroom to check on him. Praying I was mistaken, that nothing was wrong, I lightly placed two fingers on his wrist - and felt nothing. Dread filling my heart, I shook his shoulder to try and wake him, hoping I had somehow missed his pulse, and still – nothing. The following call to 911 and the kind first responders all seemed to be moving in painfully slow motion. They wouldn’t ever be able to save him if they didn’t move faster! But I knew in my heart, my Danien was gone and life as I knew it was over. The days and weeks that followed passed in a fog. Slowly things came into focus and I attempted to keep putting one foot in front of the other. I had good days and many more bad ones. I struggled to understand life without him and carried a crushing guilt that I couldn’t save him. I withdrew. I stopped returning phone calls and wouldn’t even look at my phone for days. I stopped taking care of myself as even the most basic of tasks felt like climbing Everest. Then came the anger. Anger with the world for continuing to turn. Anger with strangers for going to work like nothing had happened. Anger that time kept marching on. Anger that there was nothing I could do about it. I couldn’t change my circumstances, I couldn’t bring Danien back, I couldn’t even squash the anger in my heart. I felt like I was losing my mind. Feeling the entire spectrum of emotion at the same time. My saving grace was a white-knuckle grip on the promise of eternity, and an amazing group of family and friends who didn’t give up on me. They understood that I needed room to grieve, but they wouldn’t let me do it alone. They kept calling and texting, even though I rarely responded. They cried with me, laughed with me, told me stories and sent pictures I had never seen before. They kept him close. In the blink of an eye it was January 24, 2018. It was the longest and shortest year I’ve ever experienced. I had planned that day to deliver a ‘Thank You’ treat to the firehouse that answered the call on my worst day, but all that changed with the simple ding of a new text message. It was bad news. My amazing Mother-in-law was losing her long-time battle with breast cancer. She had been admitted to the ICU and the doctors advised it was time to say our goodbyes. I crumpled to the floor, thoughts swirled through my head as I sobbed in my Mother’s arms. Not again. Not today. Hasn’t this family been through enough? Haven’t we lost enough? We can’t lose her too. As we made the hour-long drive to the hospital to meet the rest of the family, my heart broke into even more pieces than I knew were possible. But as I held her hand, kissed her cheek, and had my last conversation with her, it all clicked into place. I suddenly understood. Danien went to prepare the way for her, I knew he was there, and he had come to take her home. It was all part of the plan. The mixture of understanding, heartbreak, and gratitude overwhelmed me. Since those days, I’ve felt like only part of a person. Just a shell walking around while my heart has been ripped from my chest. I was the tin man. I’ve struggled with my self-esteem, believing that I’m too broken to be loved again and that the blessing of the family I’ve so desperately wanted has been withdrawn from me. I’m disappointed in the way I’ve let myself go, embarrassed to look in the mirror, and frequently have thoughts that no one will want me like this. While I’m still working on the perception of my physical body, I’m learning to love the person I’m becoming on the inside. Since I’ve experienced such deep loss, I’ve grown more understanding and become more compassionate to those around me. I better understand what it means to mourn with those that mourn in a way that I wouldn’t have otherwise. I’ve found my inner strength and am learning to embrace my experience for making me who I am today. It hasn’t been easy. There’s no counting the number of tears I have cried, the hours spent pleading with my Father in Heaven for peace and understanding, and the nights I’ve wished to rewind time, but I know without a doubt that my Heavenly Father loves me, flaws/baggage and all. I know with all my heart that I will see my wonderful husband and my sweet Mother-in-law again, that families are forever, and that there is a specific plan and purpose to my life. I am so incredibly grateful for the Atonement of my Savior, Jesus Christ, that He would suffer on my behalf so that He could understand the heartache I carry, and for the promise of eternity. With those promises and blessings I know that I can do hard things. With them I know, that I am STRONG. Kiri is our eleventh BEAUTY we are celebrating!! How incredibly BEAUTIFUL is Kiri?!?! Kiri is one of THE Strongest women I know!! I feel like the HARDEST trial we can go through in this life is to lose your spouse... my heart broke and I cried SO HARD as I read her story. It took me several times to read it all the way through, I had to keep pausing to wipe away the tears that just STREAMED down my face. My tear stained eyes just couldn't read it properly. This woman AMAZES me!! She has suffered so much pain, loss, and has gone through soooo many hard trials in her life but!! She has come out on top, she has risen above and she has found hope in the promise of eternity and forever families. She KNOWS she will be with her sweet husband, Danien again!! I know that too!! I'm so in awe at her strength, her faith and her testimony of the gospel. She is truly a daugher of God and KNOWS IT!! What an absolute huge ray of hope the gospel is!! Just knowing and believing that after someone passes away we KNOW we will be with them again and see them again is such a wonderful promise to us all!! I LOVE that Kiri wore her husbands fingerprint around her neck in his honor. I have never heard of making jewelry out of a fingerprint. I LOVE THAT!! It was something so incredibly touching and special and added something so WONDERFUL to her pictures. I think that was the SWEETEST THING EVER!! The gospel of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints amazes me, helps me and gives me hope every time I lose someone close to me. Kiri is a PERFECT, bright example of trusting in the Lord to take care of her. Kiri is so strong and knows she can lean on the wonderful gift of the atonement and the Lord will help her and carry her through ANY trial that comes her way!! Kiri, thank you for being SUCH an amazing example of faith, perseverance, and strength. I admire you, I pray for you and I LOVE YOU TONS GIRLY!!!! We love you Kiri!!!! THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH KIRI FOR BEING APART OF THIS!!!! You are AMAZING, STRONG AND OH SO BEAUTIFUL!!!! What an honor it was to photograph you, listen to your story, become closer as SISTERS with you and truly see and help other women feel of the natural bright light you are!! I just think the world of you and KIRI, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!!! <3 Alexa Taylor-Jay Ogilvie Taylor Jay Photography t is CRAZY SCARY to put your story out there for the world to see, to talk about such hard things/times. But THIS woman is so strong, so courageous and is sharing HER story with the intent to help other women see themselves as God does. To help YOU on your journey to self-LOVING!! If her story, her courage and her heart touches you please let her know by commenting below!! I JUST ADORE YOU KIRI!!!! This photo shoot was a dual effort!! The other master photographer behind this photo shoot and idea is Kelsey Bailey Photography!! Please go 'like' her Facebook page >> https://www.facebook.com/KelseyBaileyPhoto/ and click here to view HER STUNNING PHOTOS of Kiri Martin and all her Celebration of beauty photos as well from our shoot!! >> https://kelseybaileyphotography.weebly.com/celebration-of-beauty/i-am-strong-kiris-story We had a master videographer documenting every little amazing, tender and BEAUTIFUL moment!! Please click here to see Shaun Schofield from DOZE Videos AMAZING BTS video and get excited to see allllllll the beautiful pictures, stories and the grand finale of throwing color COMING YOUR WAY!!!! Please go 'like' his Facebook page >> https://www.facebook.com/dozevideos/ View Shaun's AWESOME BTS video of our Celebration of Beauty project on his youtube.com channel Please click here to see: >> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b8xniy6r68A Taylor Jay Photography - my Facebook page >> https://www.facebook.com/taylorjayphotography/ Here's ALLLL the details below to the why we are posting these women, their personal stories and their journey to no longer self-hating but SELF-LOVING!!!! This is an incredible and inspiring project and we can't wait to take y'all on this journey with us!! <3 <3 >> https://taylorjayphoto.weebly.com/celebration-of-…/the-intro LIKE.COMMENT.SHARE.ENJOY!! Please Like. Comment. Share. Tag. any woman you feel could benefit from Kiri's amazing, real and raw story!!!!
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